United We Stand … on the Ground

Fly through the air with an air of ease
Every time that they call I panic and wheeze

A terrible system that fills me with rage
Oh sad sick United, from Jet Blue take a page

United, you’re bad at the usual things
Scheduling and answering when the phone sits and rings

They want you to check your bags one and two
But they make you pay through the roof, sad but true

United has fees and a very high fare
Surprising but true they don’t charge to breathe air

United will call me at the drop of a hat
Three hours till take off, whoops canceling that

The system gets broken and cancels more flights
I never signed up for those canceling frights

I call and I call and it gives me a choice
And a choice and another with its sassy voice

With a snarky ‘buh bye now’ the robot offends
Me and hangs up without helping or making amends

United you owe me a voucher in the mail
I still don’t have it, did you send it by snail?

You might need therapy after traveling much
But with you United I needed a masseur’s touch

I can’t even count the number of knots
But each one is filled with the stress of your plots

To undo all of my very hard work
All I needed was a weekend and what I got was a smirk

United I will never fly you again
Even if at gunpoint I still will abstain

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2 thoughts on “United We Stand … on the Ground

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